Carl Rogers on Authenticity - On Becoming a Leader #leadership

Can I be in some way which will be perceived by the other person as trustworthy, as dependable or consistent in some deep sense? Both research and experience indicate that this is very important, and over the years I have found what I believe are deeper and better ways of answering this question. I use to feel that if I fulfilled all the outer conditions of trustworthiness – keeping appointments, respecting the confidential nature of the interviews, etc. – and if I acted consistently the same during the interviews, then this condition would be fulfilled. But experience drove home the fact that to act consistently acceptant, for example, if in fact I was feeling annoyed or skeptical or some other non-acceptant feeling, was certain in the long run to be perceived as inconsistent or untrustworthy. I have come to recognize that being trustworthy does not demand that I be rigidly consistent but that I be dependably real.

Wow - this is very useful. Dependably real... Hmmm... what does that look like at 10:00am in the morning? In a staff meeting? When you think someone screwed up? When your employee is playing the victim? When your boss is being superficially "consistent?"

The hard part, of course, is learning how to be dependably real in ways that you don't regret later (or that puts others off). And for those of you who are recovering control freaks like me, we need to learn how we can be real while resisting the urge to over assert our notions (thereby becoming dependably obnoxious).

Authenticity is so valuable. Being humble and interested in others is also important for building trust. Self-absorption or aggression dressed in a costume called "being real" is not. Our challenge and opportunity: how can we be focused on serving others while ALSO showing our emotions and vulnerabilities (emotional intelligence)?

One more thing from the legendary Carl Rogers - his research of effective person-centered therapy indicated that the best therapists were not necessarily the most schooled or classically trained. The best therapists had two things in common - they did not overcontrol the helping relationship and they were more authentic and sensitive. This holds true in the world of business, too. Management is a social act and the best managers are relationship builders first and foremost. Some of the best managers I have worked with have not had the most impressive degrees, titles, or Fortune 100 experiences.

When we bring together service orientation and authenticity, we become more effective managers.